So, registration for next semester was this morning, and it went without a hitch. All I have to do is turn in my petition to take a seminar, since really they're only for juniors and seniors, so the registrar has to okay it, which is irritating because the professor (my advisor) gave permission and I really don't get why I need further permission, but whatever. It's just a form. I think?
Anyway, if I get into that class, my schedule next semester will be as follows:

Monday:
11-12:10 Documenting Lesbian Lives [For the SWAG (Study of Women and Gender) major]

Tuesday:
9-10:20 Methods of Literary Study (For the English minor)
10:30-11:50 The English Literary Tradition II (For the English minor)
1-2:50 Growing Up American (For teaching certification)

Wednesday:
11-12:10 Documenting Lesbian Lives
2-4 Seminar in American Education: John Dewey and His World (For fun)

Thursday:
9-10:20 Methods of Literary Study
10:30-11:50 The English Literary Tradition II
1-2:50 Growing Up American

Friday:
11-12:10 Documenting Lesbian Lives

You know you've picked the right major/minor when you're looking forward to all your classes, even the required ones. Well, maybe I'm not looking forward so much to the Literary Study one, but it's ok. Sometimes you have to jump through hoops and I can deal with one hoop this semester. Plus, I've heard good things about that professor.
I'm really excited about this schedule in regards to timing as well. I'm glad that I'll be done before lunch twice a week and before 3 four days a week. The schedule I have right now sucks in that way.

Oh man. SO EXCITED. Mostly just happy and pleasantly surprised I got into everything I wanted to. The Documenting Lives one sounds realllly interesting and I've heard good things about the professor and it had a cap of only 25 people and there were only three spots left this morning before our registration started, but I was obviously able to nab one of them. Wooh!

**what actually ended up happening**

Wednesday
7:45ish wake up
8:15-10:45 work
10:45-12 skip class and study for queer theory exam study study bubblespinner* study
12-12:45 lunch erica brought me lunch ( ♥) study bubblespinner bubblespinner
12:45-2 skip class and study for queer theory exam bubblespinner study
2-3 do the hw due in other classes? study chocolate
2-4 begin primping process study bubblespinner study snack snack
4-5 drop by queer theory professor's office hours? nap shower
5-5:30 complete primping process get call. cancel coffee date.
5:30-6 eat dinner
6-?? coffee date study bubblespinner study 9-10 L&O SVU 10-11 The Ruins 11-2am avoid sleeping


Thursday
7:45 wake up 8:15 wake up
8:15-10:15 work
10:30-11:50 class (run to grab'n'go, run to Clark Hall)
12:15-12:45 lunch meeting for Chicago Urban Outreach Initiative
1-2 dance class (leave at least 30 minutes early, run to Daniel River's seminar, pick up midterm, run to periodical room...where is that even?) leave class early, run to DR's class. he has forgotten my exam, so I can't take it today. i sit around bemoaning my life and run into other people from the same class. have a bitch fest.
2:15-4:05 take exam (all of this running around is necessary because the next event is mandatory, and normally my class would overlap until 4:50 and since I'm already missing another mandatory meeting for the dance performance that was scheduled months ago, I'm doing my best to not miss this one.) show up to class. get exam in sealed envelope. go home for 30 minutes. run out, check mail, put money on one card. hope the rest of the day goes according to plan.
4:15-6:15 Urban Outreach Initiative dinner meeting (run to dance, get there 20 minutes late)
6:20-9ish Celebrations rehearsal. Faculty showing. Stay late to hear feedback.
9:30 get home. do hw due friday?

*this really obnoxious facebook game. don't even ask. I think i have carpal tunnel from playing it so much. But I did set the high score for all my friends, so....there's that.


so that's cool. now i have another 24 hours to freak out about this exam, because i really don't think there's a chance of me taking it tonight and i definitely can't take it tomorrow until after tutoring. LSKFDJLJ. I'm officially displeased with Daniel Rivers now. On top of forgetting my exam and screwing up everything, he also said he would email us our papers before the exam and I got mine at 1am last night, which really doesn't count in my book. I did surprisingly well on it, especially considering a lot of people in the class seemed unhappy with their grades. Of course, I think I have realistic expectations for my grades and everyone else expects an A++ on everything, so we might all have gotten the same grade. I'm doing so much better with the whole grade thing this semester though. I think the lowest grade I've gotten was a B. So that is good. If you care about that kind of thing. Which I don't really. I've turned in really strong work this semester and I don't need a letter to tell me that.
Off to the second Urban Ed meeting of the day. I got placed in a school in Chicago! You can learn about where I'll be working here!

while attempting to study for this midterm, I realize that there are very key concepts here that I just do not understand.
Like, I could explain (parts of) Butler's ideas of gender performativity, how there is no real agency, how we are performing gender at all times, how we can only tell we've performed once we've done so, but if you were to ask me what it means to perform gender, I would have absolutely no clue. I feel like my SWAG professor would respond with "that's right! there is no definition! because it's queer theory and nothing is defined!" but I really mean, I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT GENDER PERFORMANCE IS REFERRING TO. I DON'T GET IT. But I'm going to write these essays on the test tomorrow anyway, and hope it doesn't matter.

This is not what I would call fun.

It is challenging for me to work at a children's library, because there are so many good young adult books I haven't read yet, or that have come out since the days when I used to read young adult. If it was up to me, I would take a week off of school, curl up in the library and just read books for hours and hours. So, as you can imagine, shelving goes rather slowly, because I have to stop every few books and assess whether this is one I would have enjoyed reading.

I definitely have favorites in each class that comes up for their library time. This one little girl loves the same kinds of books I did and I try to suggest new things for her or ask how she liked the last one. Turns out she went to Montessori school (of course). I can only have children if they promise to be as adorable as her.

My boss continues to be an interesting character. Today, the following happened.
Boss: I think you should do the renews before you help anyone else, because some people might have renews that they need to pick up and you haven't done them yet and I can tell this because they're still in the box over there so you should do them so kids won't be confused. (She likes to explain everything in extreme detail and if I try to cut her off by doing what she says she just raises her voice as if she is concerned that I still don't quite understand).
Me: ~doing the returns, I ask her a question about one of them~
Boss: Well, yeah you can do that. Except I don't quite know why you're doing the returns and making Timmy* here wait to check his books out.
Me: ...

This kind of thing happens a lot.

Wednesday
7:45ish wake up
8:15-10:45 work
10:45-12 skip class and study for queer theory exam
12-12:45 lunch
12:45-2 skip class and study for queer theory exam
2-3 do the hw due in other classes?
2-4 begin primping process
4-5 drop by queer theory professor's office hours?
5-5:30 complete primping process
5:30-6 eat dinner
6-?? coffee date


Thursday
7:45 wake up
8:15-10:15 work
10:30-11:50 class (run to grab'n'go, run to Clark Hall)
12:15-12:45 lunch meeting for Chicago Urban Outreach Initiative
1-2 dance class (leave at least 30 minutes early, run to Daniel River's seminar, pick up midterm, run to periodical room...where is that even?)
2:15-4:05 take exam (all of this running around is necessary because the next event is mandatory, and normally my class would overlap until 4:50 and since I'm already missing another mandatory meeting for the dance performance that was scheduled months ago, I'm doing my best to not miss this one.)
4:15-6:15 Urban Outreach Initiative dinner meeting (run to dance, get there 20 minutes late)
6:20-9ish Celebrations rehearsal. Faculty showing. Stay late to hear feedback.
9:30 get home. do hw due friday?

Went to see the Dance Theater of Harlem Ensemble tonight. It was amazing. I miss dancing. I'm not doing enough of it here, and I'll be doing even less next semester. :/

Also, because I don't feel like having the actual conversation, click on this link please. The Story of My Life. I don't believe we need to speak about this, but I do believe it's about time it's out there. (Also, be warned, there is a bad word).

Probably the worst day I've had since being at Smith.

I only have good things to look forward to this weekend as soon as I take my mid-term tomorrow. Things will be better. I just need to go to sleep now so that today will be over.

I don't know if it's the coffee or what, but I'm in a ridiculously good mood right now.
It's Fall Break, although it hasn't felt like much of a break because the farthest I've gone from campus is to Local Burger and I've been doing work the whole weekend. I've accomplished a good bit though...I got started on two papers due next week, filled out an application for a student-teaching position over J-term (more info on this if I get in), worked on a presentation I'm doing on Wednesday and did a lot of reading.
On Saturday a couple of us went to dinner and then ended up back in my room talking about things and stuff until way early in the morning. Every time I hang out with people from Celebrations I'm glad I didn't quit at the end of last year like I thought I would.
Last night I gave myself a mani-pedi while watching Serenity with tsuralai and sillyandmorbid and Genee. Most of my group of friends left for the weekend (we were all supposed to go to NY, but SOME people just HAD to go HOME instead), so it's been pretty quiet in Capen. It would have been nice to have a change of scenery (I might actually go crazy with cabin fever before Thanksgiving Break), but at least I've been productive with my time.

My dance for Celebrations is coming together, although I'm kind of stressed out about it right now. I've taught them all the choreography I had figured out, and now I'm kind of at a loss as to what to add next. It's hard because I feel like it could be really easy for it to look Dolly Dinkle's and I don't know how to stop that from happening.

I went to office hours for some professors the other day to talk about my paper and ended up also discussing my major/minor plans with them. Floyd Cheung ( ♥ !!!) agreed to be my Minor Advisor when I finally declare an English minor. Daniel Rivers isn't going to be here next year(?) so I have to ask someone I've never taken a class from to be my advisor. He suggested someone, and then told me in class the next day that he had talked to her for me and she was looking forward to meeting me in office hours, so I'm not too apprehensive about that. After meeting with all of them, fadedpolish and I went to visit Rosetta Cohen, our current advisor. I really, really love her. I just want to hang out with her all the time.
All of this discussion though, inspired me to go online and figure out what courses to take next semester, which was kind of a mistake. It is far too soon to be thinking about this and after taking notes on all the things that looked good I hid the paper in some folder and I'm not going to let myself take it out again until at least....December. I think I'm going to be taking 20 credits next semester, plus dance, if I can fit it in. gah.

Your feminist reading for the day

I think I've failed to post pictures so far, but if you want to see pics of my room and our trip to Boston (plus some bonus chicken pictures!) click here!
Things are going really well right now. Things are going.....really, really well. Everything is sort of falling into place and I don't know how that happened. Someday soon I'll do a real update, if i can thinking of any details to share.

I'm getting really excited for Celebrations this year. For those of you who don't know/don't remember, Celebrations is the student-run dance company I joined last semester. We just had auditions and the 7 girls we accepted seem really nice (for the most part). The company is going to be even bigger than last year - 17 people probably, but it seems like we will be wayyyy more organized. The people in charge actually appear to care this year. And by the people in charge, I guess I sort of mean myself, since I was elected to some sort of position on the board which kind of doesn't actually exist. Basically, I get to go to board meetings and have few responsibilities besides making copies and running around a bunch toward performance time.

I'm going to be choreographing a ballet piece to this song with a couple people in it. I'm excited about that, although I'm slightly apprehensive about choreographing in general. My only experience in that arena is low-key stuff for small children where it really doesn't matter what they're doing because their parents will think it's amazing anyway. But we'll see.

And that's about it. We're all sort of waiting to see who will end up joining the company, and whether our first impressions of them were correct.

Just wrapped up the second week of classes and I'm really liking everything I'm taking. We finished Beowulf and we're moving onto Chaucer in my English lit class. Finished "Woman Warrior" by Maxine Kingston for Asian American Women Writers, and we're going to read a book of poetry by Amy Song next. In queer studies we've been discussing queer stuff, and in my education class we've been reading about high schools and...education. Not much stuff to report there. The only thing of interest is that I've been reading about 200 pages a week, if not more. And that appears to be the norm for the rest of this semester.

Tonight Erica and I are probably going to Rosh Hashana services and then afterwards going to see a concert performed by some of our professors. The beautiful man who teaches Asian American Women Writers will be playing and I'm pretty excited about that.

If anyone wants to see pictures of our trip to Boston and our room, those can be found here.

I'm now employed at the campus school library three days a week for a total of 6.5 hours. This is not, my boss informed me, a job at which I could sit and do my homework. There is always something to be done.
Good times.
I'm excited about it, because I like books and children, but right now it seems like a lot, on top of everything else.

First day of classes is over, and I think I have my schedule finalized.

M/W
11-12:10 The English Literary Tradition - Douglas Patey
1:20-2:30 The American Middle and High School - Carol Berner

T/TH
10:30-11:50 Asian American Women Writers - Floyd Cheung
1-2:30 Ballet III - Rodger Blum
3-4:50 Queer Theory/Queer Culture - Daniel Rivers

F
11-12:10 The English Literary Tradition - Douglas Patey

As it is Tuesday, I went to three classes, one including dance. I bought the 14 books for the two classes I had today, and I still have 6 more books to buy. I have already been assigned 130 pages of reading for Thursday, and I've only been to those two classes! This semester promises to be really interesting.
I just cleaned out the coffee maker and it appears to have finished making my coffee, so this study break is over. There will be a longer post about my thoughts on these classes when I have the time to sit down again. Maybe at Winter Break?

Maybe I should be an English minor. Heaven knows I'm good at critical reading (according to the SAT at least).

In a discussion with T this summer, we realized what I really love about school isn't any specific subjects as much as the discussions surrounding them, and thinking critically about ideas. She told me if that was the case, I better get real good at writing improve my writing skills so I can successfully communicate ideas when I'm not in the classroom. That makes sense. I'm looking at the English classes for this semester, in addition to the one I'm taking for SWAG. Hmmmm.

about 12 minutes in or so is when ED arrives. I LOVE HER. I don't think I can say it enough times to get the point across.

Looking at satellite images of Smith College and getting nostalgic/more excited if that's possible to be back in a week. And yes Robin, if you're reading this, I did creep on you and search your address on google maps to see where exactly you're living next year (only 5 blocks away from me, as it turns out). I leave for school in six days, and I'm not at all packed. Like...at all. Hmmm.
My week, however, IS packed. I keep scheduling things like babysitting and...babysitting and then realizing I only have a week left in ptown and maybe I should be doing something like seeing people for the last time or partying it up or...packing.


That's really all that is happening here. The dance studio is full of drama, but since Code Red on the Drama Scale is pretty much its constant state anyway I suppose that isn't newsworthy. I can never go back to Papaya Thai. Watch "The Guild" on youtube, because it's excellent, and Felecia Day is amazing (and also my cousin knows her!?).


I AM SO EXCITED TO SPEND TIME IN BOSTON!

That is all.

Went to see "(500) Days of Summer" today for my mom's birthday. It was really cute. Zooey Deschanel is always amazing. Her costar was the dorky kid from "10 Things I Hate About You," the kid who wasn't Heath Ledger, and I had a hard time visualizing him as a 26 year old rather than a 16 year old.

The movie pissed me off early on though, when the narrator described Zooey's character as "average height, 5 feet 5 inches, and average weight, 121 pounds." Uh, excuse me, but that's not average, kthanks. I really did enjoy the movie, but that seemed unnecessary and like a slap in the face. Thank you media, for reminding all of us once again that we are not a perfect size. Lovely.

Besides that though, it was a cute movie.

Dear Women,
In some ways I understand your reluctance to identify as a feminist. Those who would like to be grouped with the bra-burning, man-hating, aggressive lesbians the media tends to propagate are few and far between. Just because I happen to be one of them (minus the bra-burning, because really, who does that?), doesn't mean I think you need to join those radical ranks. However, even if you aren't in that club, your general apathy towards feminism in general is alarming to me. Have you ever been catcalled? Been fearful of walking down the street late at night? Been harassed at work? Felt like, because of your race and gender you had to dress and behave a certain way? Been warned that going to a women's college would turn you into a lesbian? Felt the extra pressures of being poor and a woman? Told that because you are sure of yourself and can be assertive, you're probably gay? Heard the words "reverse racism," "reverse sexism" or "reverse prejudice" spoken by someone who actually thought they meant something or were real phenomenon? If you've been in any of these situations, then feminism is still very much necessary here and around the world.
I am frustrated by the people I find at school and in my daily life in Portland who think feminism is only for those crazies who want to overthrow men entirely. I am frustrated by those women who refuse to identify as feminist for fear of seeming too over the top. You can't have an intellectual conversation with me about how one needs to find oneself before she can get married, or how a person needs a career to feel fulfilled in addition to marriage and a family and then not call yourself a feminist. As gay corny as this sounds, just because we have the vote now certainly doesn't mean our work is finished.
So please do some of your own research on what feminism is before discounting it entirely. Think about your belief system and the way it clashes or agrees with mainstream ideas. Then come back and tell me whether or not you're a feminist.
Sincerely,
Ariella

Dear Men,
Just because you identify as male doesn't mean you can't also be a feminist. Please refer to previous letter.
Thanks,
Ariella

I've been thinking over the last few weeks about what I want to do when I grow up. Teaching has been the plan for so many years, but I don't know if I can do that any more. I picture myself in a classroom trying to teach uninspired high schoolers a subject I am passionate about and all I can see is me in 15 years burnt out and depressed. The education major at smith requires a focus or double major in an "appropriate" field, ie math or science or american history. Study of Women and Gender is by its very nature, an inappropriate field. At Smith, for the SWAG major, one must focus in one of 6 disciplines: Lit, History, Queerness, etc. I could focus in Queerness and then have a degree that qualified me for very few things, or I could focus in Literature and then try to teach English. I can imagine myself trying to teach the symbology of Hawthorne (something I never actually did in high school, but these are the things my mind comes up with), a whole classroom of apathetic dozers in front of me, the only waving hand raised to ask the question "is this preparing us for the standardized tests?" Could I teach to the tests? I sincerely doubt it. Do I have hope Obama will fix education, or at least start us down the right track. I haven't heard about a lot of plans for that yet.
So this is my dilemma. I don't like being plan-less. I hate just going along until something works itself out. I don't DO that. I am often the reason things work out for other people - because I get it done. So it is hard for me to pick classes this semester knowing I'm not really giving myself a back up plan of some kind. I'm taking the next required classes for an education and swag double major, as well as a SWAG lit class just because it sounds interesting. My fourth class should be Calculus, fulfilling the requirements for a math minor so I could teach math in the upcoming years. But I can't do it. I can't take another semester of Calculus, or I WILL go crazy. So I'm using this as my last chance to take whatever I want, before the next 5 semesters are full of requirements for majors. Especially if I decide to switch last minute...

I think I figured out my perfect schedule for next semester. I'm currently signed up for Calculus III and German, but I'm going to drop both of those things, because seriously, I'm never going to go abroad with all the other plans I have for myself, and Calculus is always offered, and INSTEAD I'm going to have this amazing schedule.
Tuesdays and Thursdays are rough, but they don't start until 10:30 with Asian American Women Writers. Then at 1 I'm thinking of taking Sociology of Education and at 3 I have Queer Culture/Queer Theory. It's going to be tough having two 2 hour classes in a row, so the Soc. of Edu. is the only class I'm iffy about.
However, if I stick to that, then I only have ONE class on M/W/F. On Mondays and Wednesdays I would have The American Middle and High School from 1:10 to 2:30, and on Fridays I would hop on the bus to MoHo and take dance from 10 to 1. LDJFDLKJF!!!! I really hope this works out. I need to find something that doesn't interfere with Ballet on Fridays.
OH MY GOD I JUST FIGURED SOMETHING ELSE OUT. LOGIC IS ON MONDAYS AND WEDNESDAYS FROM 11 TO 12:10, AND IT WON'T INTERFERE WITH DANCE AND I REALLY WANTED TO TAKE IT. Alright then. Logic it is.
Eeeeeeeeee! When does school start again?

Also, as a side note, it really sucks that we can't check in until the 6th and classes start the 8th. I emailed them to see if I could come earlier, and they said I could if I pay $150. Or...I could just come earlier and not have a key for a couple days and NOT pay $150. That sounds like a better plan.

annnnnnd, they brought them back
Seriously, best choice ever.